Let's toss in a few words about the manhole cover-inspired pizzas down at Neriola's, shall we? To be curt, Neriola's existed as long as it did because it was the closest eatery to campus within walking distance that was open Sunday nights. All those campus-owned cafeterias and food courts were closed Sunday evenings and if you were stuck on campus without a vehicle then you either found a friend who was going elsewhere, you ate from a vending machine, you scrounged under your bed for a leftover packet of Ramen noodle and a packet of green sauce from Señor Taco, or – and this list is presented in the order it should have been attempted – you walked down the hill on the southwest side of campus to Neriola's. If you were smart you ordered ahead and didn't have to wait around inside. While Neriola's had not been in business but a few years before my freshmen year, the squalid building it oozed out of along Central Street, the main drag, had obviously been there far too long. It's one thing to give your restaurant that old-timey feel and have old liquor posters and signs on the outside of your building (even if the restaurant tries to be pseudo-Italian); it's another to thing to have those be original signs that someone hasn't gotten around to moving yet. In short, their pizzas were the stuff of ridicule and justifiably should be mentioned in this April Fools post.
I usually got the medium thin crust with only green peppers and mushrooms.
On the evening of Sunday, March 24, 1996, Bobby – or some delivery guy from Neriola's – had just left and I was preparing myself for a hot meal and a little television before I called it a day. Make that a lukewarm meal, as Bobby ran into a Frat brother in the lobby and chatted a bit before he called me down. I mean, I assume something like that happened....
Tonight’s episode of The Simpsons focused on the washed-up life of actor Troy McClure and what happened when his career seemed to start on the rebound. How The Planet of the Apes made sense as a musical is beyond me but it works, especially for someone of McClure's mentality. As soon as McClure (as the astronaut Taylor) speaks, a synthesizer kicks in and the apes, lost at the thought of something as ludicrous as a talking human, begin requesting help from Dr. Zaius.
Everything up to this point was amusing but the song was the icing on the cake, especially once I realized I was already familiar with the "Help me, Dr. Zaius" melody thanks to years of Falco. Neriola's pizza went by the wayside as I began laughing too loud for my own good. I seem to recall nearly rolling out of the chair laughing so hard and missing all subsequent action. It would only be on second and third viewings that I was able to suppress these fits and see the singing apes were actually break dancing.
The next day at the radio station I found the usual group of regulars in the station office chatting away aimlessly. Shortly after I arrived someone brought up the Simpsons' episode from the night before and I was surprised at how many people had not just seen it but were able to break into the inane, repetitive chorus of, " Dr. Zaius, Dr. Zaius."Going into the episode you knew it was going to be good because it focused on one of the program’s greatest characters, “the fabulous” Troy McClure (who you may remember from such films as The President’s Neck is Missing and Gladys the Groovy Mule, among others). McClure was always good for a laugh and while it could be debated whether he had talent (...well, I suppose he did have talent, as it was what made the water in his swimming pool possible), there was no question that the actor behind the voice did. Phil Hartman made his name on Saturday Night Live and later on primetime fare such as The Simpsons and Newsradio showcasing endearing and enthusiastic characters that all shared that unmistakable voice.
That voice has since been silenced but thankfully immortalized on an album of collected Simpsons music -- which means those of us sitting around the music library would now be able to sing the praises of Dr. Zaius along with Troy!
"It's the part I was born to play, baby!"
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A Fish Called Selma [Medley]: Dr Zaius and Chimpan-A to Chimpan-Z
(Jack Barth/Alf Clausen)
The Simpsons
From the album Songs in the Key of Springfield
1997
(Spoken) Help the human's about to excape
Get Your Paws Off Me You Dirty Ape
(Gasp)
He Can Talk
He Can Talk
He Can Talk
He Can Talk
He Can Talk
He Can Talk
He Can Talk
I Can Sing!!!
Ooo Help Me Dr. Zaius
Dr. Zaius, Dr. Zaius!
Dr. Zaius, Dr. Zaius!
Dr. Zaius, Dr. Zaius!
Oh, Dr. Zaius
Dr. Zaius, Dr. Zaius!
What's wrong with me?
I think you're crazy
I want a second opinion.
You're also lazy.
Dr. Zaius, Dr. Zaius!
Dr. Zaius, Dr. Zaius!
Dr. Zaius, Dr. Zaius!
Oh, Dr. Zaius
Dr. Zaius, Dr. Zaius!
Can I play the piano anymore?
Of course you can.
Well I couldn't before.
Dr. Zaius, Dr. Zaius!
Dr. Zaius, Dr. Zaius!
Dr. Zaius, Dr. Zaius!
Oh, Dr. Zaius
Dr. Zaius, Dr. Zaius!
Dr. Zaius, Dr. Zaius!
Dr. Zaius, Dr. Zaius!
Dr. Zaius, Dr. Zaius!
Oh, Dr. Zaius
Dr. Zaius, Dr. Zaius!
I hate every ape I see,
From chimpan-A to chimpan-Z.
No you'll never make a monkey out of me!
Oh my god, I was wrong.
It was Earth all along.
You finally made a monkey
Yes, we finally made a monkey
Yes, you finally made a monkey out of me!
I love you Dr. Zaius.!