Okay, so there was this chunky guy who called himself "Seedy" Jones who was a student at the undergraduate station with me. I dunno if the air name was self-applied or any back story – he was maybe five or more years older than most of the other kids hanging around, you know – the "normal" college-aged kids – and was sort of an opinionated smart ass. Yeah, he'd done his share of video production somewhere – maybe another college and he transferred in or something – and could talk his way around steadicams, SVHS, and non-linear editing, among other topics. I think it was the 1996-97 school year and "Seedy" was pulling one of the morning jazz shifts – music he had a feel for and could, you know, dig his fingernails into. Jazz was cool – I didn't know much more than some of the more familiar contemporary songs we played – and I appreciated the fact he'd come across as more than a casual listener and tried to add a little freshness to the mix. "Seedy" was one of the jack-of-all-formats we had, able to sit in on almost any format and pass himself off as someone who knew what he was talkin' about – you know the type, really was on point. Always good to have a few like that around – knew his way around a rock shift and could get you through three hours of classical if needed.
He didn't hold any of the student positions but "Seedy" checked into the Music Library often, hanging out with whoever was there to talk shop, grab some lunch and waste a bit of time in between classes. Talk...the guy wouldn't shut up sometimes, talking about this and that and all points in between; he'd try and be funny a lot and you had to be in the right mood to appreciate the humor. If not, chances are...well, he'd piss you off. Not the "talk down to you" type to your face, more the type who liked to belittle others piece by piece – would quote from The Deeper Meaning of Liff and give nicknames to station staff from words found in the book. Sort of tell you off but leave you smiling cause you didn’t know what skegness, baughurst, or pantperthog meant.
So I never knew or caught on with his Steve Vai shtick – you know, the guitarist – he was the "big thing" for a few weeks. It was supposed to be funny, sort of like that Weekend Update skit on Saturday Night Live about Frank Stallone: "Belgian doctors have accidentally cloned a human being. The human being? You guessed it – Frank Stallone." It'd run like this: a few guys, hanging out in the office listening to one of the weekly preview discs and "Seedy" would barge in. "Hey, I heard they came out with the best and worst album's of the year; he ["he" being whoever we were listening to] made the worst list; the best this year is...Steve Vai." Such was his way of mocking music, I suppose. Of course not everything was as funny as he thought it was. Sometimes he'd just walk in an' ask, "'Zat Steve Vai?" Hardly! – it'd be some pop tune or somethin' by Sheryl Crow or whoever – and we'd just sort of laugh at it. You had to be there. Or "we're goin' off to see that new Clancy movie – you in? "I dunno – hey, Vai do the soundtrack?" Not much of a punch line – Steve Vai! – but I guess it meant somethin' to him. I never could figure exactly what: I don’t think Vai appeared on any of the preview discs and even if he did, we never played it. Not our thing. Might have fit sonically but it wasn't one of the "names" some of the directors liked to play.
Looking back, I see guitar virtuoso Vai did release an album around this time – Fire Garden – but whether "Seedy" knew about it or not is beyond me. One thing's for sure: "Seedy" knew about Vai and his music. That was fine – but I still don't get the joke.
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Little Alligator
(Steve Vai)
Steve Vai
From the album Fire Garden
1996
I could read your mind and all its freakish desires
A full on femme fatale with an elegant face of fire
Through the haze of your senses and your defenses
God only knows how long it is till you hit the bottom
but that's all right
I'll get you through paradise
Don't need your wings
For the Queen
Little alligator
From the fangs the poison is so sweetly injected
The words that fall from your tongue are so filthy
your mouth must be infected
Not a man but not quite a lady
Hopelessly androgenous
Hell only knows how hot it gets down south of the border
but that's all right
Your secret is safe tonight
There is no shame
Glory and fame
For little alligators
In the jungle it's comin' down
For those who live in the lost and found
Can't mistake your attitude so heavy
Now get over here
You can hang your image in a brand new dimention
Cause I don't even think your mirror understands your reflection
But that's all right as long as you're not uptight
And in your brain
It’s all the same
Little alligator
