We're making moves and starting grooves before they knew we were gone

From somewhere in left-field one day came OMC. What is that: Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Car? I actually asked that once on the air but I don't think anyone got it.

I suppose it doesn't matter at this point anymore. As I've said, it amazed me the sort of music we played at the undergrad station – most of it bordered generic near-top 40 pop, so I guess in retrospect, playing this song wasn’t really that bizarre. I think most popular radio stations across the country were playing it, maybe trying to "branch out" with some pseudo-world music beats. What was truly bizarre was how little anybody knew about the band going in. I mean, coming out of nowhere and no one thought to look toward New Zealand for an answer. Who was OMC? Pauly Fuemana was the guy you saw singing and dancing around in the video but another guy - Alan Jansson –co-wrote the music and produced the album. What was OMC? The Otara Millionaires Club, Otara being one of the poorest sections of Fuemana and Jansson's native Auckland.

I assume it entered up on our playlist because someone saw the video on the MTV and once we ended up with a copy we had to play it as well. True, it sort of fit our format – but barely. While not a bad song, and is somewhat catchy, I remember more than a few people (myself included) getting annoyed after about the second verse kicks in and you almost want to shut it off.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

How Bizarre
(Pauly Fuemana/Alan Jansson)
OMC
From the album How Bizarre
1997

Brother Pele's in the back, sweet Zina's in the front
Cruisin' down the freeway in the hot, hot sun
Suddenly red-blue lights flash us from behind
Loud voice booming, "Please step out onto the line"
Pele preaches words of comfort, Zina just hides her eyes
Policeman taps his shades, "Is that a Chevy '69?"

How bizarre
How bizarre, how bizarre

Destination unknown, as we pull in for some gas
Freshly pasted poster reveals a smile from the past
Elephants and acrobats, lions snakes monkey
Pele speaks "righteous," Sister Zina says "funky"

How bizarre
How bizarre, how bizarre

Ooh, baby (Ooh, baby)
It's making me crazy (It's making me crazy)
Everytime I look around
Everytime I look around (Everytime I look around)
Everytime I look around
It's in my face

Ring master steps out and says "the elephants left town"
People jump and jive, but the clowns have stuck around
TV news and camera, there's choppers in the sky
Marines, police, reporters ask where, for and why
Pele yells, "We're outta here," Zina says, "Right on"
We're making moves and starting grooves before they knew we were gone
Jumped into the Chevy and headed for big lights
Wanna know the rest? Hey, buy the rights...

How bizarre
How bizarre, how bizarre

Ooh, baby (Ooh, baby)
It's making me crazy (It's making me crazy)
Everytime I look around
Everytime I look around (Everytime I look around)
Everytime I look around
It's in my face

So anxious for your look of joy and delight

Christmas was usually a rather subdued celebration at both student-radio stations I worked at since, as you can well imagine, the students that operated the operations were off for the winter break. If we wanted to celebrate we had to have something in the works before Thanksgiving and then put it into action as soon as we got back. No one liked wrestling with last-minute programming ideas and focusing on passing final exams at the same time. I recall one year as an undergrad we were on the ball enough to switch out our regular liners and replace them with some holiday ones. I thought it was cool and made us sound like we were ahead of the trend, rather than usually following suite. Of course, we had to work overtime in January to get the normal liners reinstated. Along with starting another semester, the extra work wasn't worth it, especially when we couldn’t find some of the liners. Oh, well.

Musically we usually didn't change much, except for trying to enter some holiday-themed tunes into rotation, which, for the rock format could be trying. We didn't have much in the way of Christmas albums so we had to rely on Christmas editions of the weekly preview discs (or the even rarer gifts from record labels) and hope there was something we could find salvageable...because stuff like Seven Mary Three Wise Men, A Van Halen Holiday and Kiss Saves Christmas wasn't going to cut it.

So when we stumbled upon the Smashing Pumpkins and Billy Corgan's Christmastime we thought we in pretty good shape. I actually recall a number people commenting on it and enjoying it, noting that it was the sort of thing you'd expect the Pumpkins to sound like as well as having a Christmassy message attached.

And that was all that mattered.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Christmastime
(Billy Corgan)
The Smashing Pumpkins
From the album A Very Special Christmas, Vol. 3
1997

We watch the children playing
Beside the christmas tree
The presents are wrapped up
It's beautiful and secretly the gifts still hide
The fun awaits for you inside

Christmastime has come
There'll be toys for everyone
Cause christmastime has come for you

I remember dreaming
Wishing hoping praying for this day
Now i sit and watch them
The little ones i love so excited by the wait

Christmastime has come
There'll be toys for everyone
Cause christmastime has come for you

And now the word is given
It's time to peek inside
It's time to let the toys out
So anxious for your look of joy and delight
Waiting for just your surprise

Christmastime has come
There'll be toys for everyone
Cause christmastime has come for you

I don't even think your mirror understands your reflection but that's all right

Okay, so there was this chunky guy who called himself "Seedy" Jones who was a student at the undergraduate station with me. I dunno if the air name was self-applied or any back story – he was maybe five or more years older than most of the other kids hanging around, you know – the "normal" college-aged kids – and was sort of an opinionated smart ass. Yeah, he'd done his share of video production somewhere – maybe another college and he transferred in or something – and could talk his way around steadicams, SVHS, and non-linear editing, among other topics. I think it was the 1996-97 school year and "Seedy" was pulling one of the morning jazz shifts – music he had a feel for and could, you know, dig his fingernails into. Jazz was cool – I didn't know much more than some of the more familiar contemporary songs we played – and I appreciated the fact he'd come across as more than a casual listener and tried to add a little freshness to the mix. "Seedy" was one of the jack-of-all-formats we had, able to sit in on almost any format and pass himself off as someone who knew what he was talkin' about – you know the type, really was on point. Always good to have a few like that around – knew his way around a rock shift and could get you through three hours of classical if needed.

He didn't hold any of the student positions but "Seedy" checked into the Music Library often, hanging out with whoever was there to talk shop, grab some lunch and waste a bit of time in between classes. Talk...the guy wouldn't shut up sometimes, talking about this and that and all points in between; he'd try and be funny a lot and you had to be in the right mood to appreciate the humor. If not, chances are...well, he'd piss you off. Not the "talk down to you" type to your face, more the type who liked to belittle others piece by piece – would quote from The Deeper Meaning of Liff and give nicknames to station staff from words found in the book. Sort of tell you off but leave you smiling cause you didn’t know what skegness, baughurst, or pantperthog meant.

So I never knew or caught on with his Steve Vai shtick – you know, the guitarist – he was the "big thing" for a few weeks. It was supposed to be funny, sort of like that Weekend Update skit on Saturday Night Live about Frank Stallone: "Belgian doctors have accidentally cloned a human being. The human being? You guessed it – Frank Stallone." It'd run like this: a few guys, hanging out in the office listening to one of the weekly preview discs and "Seedy" would barge in. "Hey, I heard they came out with the best and worst album's of the year; he ["he" being whoever we were listening to] made the worst list; the best this year is...Steve Vai." Such was his way of mocking music, I suppose. Of course not everything was as funny as he thought it was. Sometimes he'd just walk in an' ask, "'Zat Steve Vai?" Hardly! – it'd be some pop tune or somethin' by Sheryl Crow or whoever – and we'd just sort of laugh at it. You had to be there. Or "we're goin' off to see that new Clancy movie – you in? "I dunno – hey, Vai do the soundtrack?" Not much of a punch line – Steve Vai! – but I guess it meant somethin' to him. I never could figure exactly what: I don’t think Vai appeared on any of the preview discs and even if he did, we never played it. Not our thing. Might have fit sonically but it wasn't one of the "names" some of the directors liked to play.

Looking back, I see guitar virtuoso Vai did release an album around this time – Fire Garden – but whether "Seedy" knew about it or not is beyond me. One thing's for sure: "Seedy" knew about Vai and his music. That was fine – but I still don't get the joke.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Little Alligator
(Steve Vai)
Steve Vai
From the album Fire Garden
1996

I could read your mind and all its freakish desires
A full on femme fatale with an elegant face of fire
Through the haze of your senses and your defenses
God only knows how long it is till you hit the bottom
but that's all right
I'll get you through paradise

Don't need your wings
For the Queen
Little alligator

From the fangs the poison is so sweetly injected
The words that fall from your tongue are so filthy
your mouth must be infected
Not a man but not quite a lady
Hopelessly androgenous
Hell only knows how hot it gets down south of the border
but that's all right
Your secret is safe tonight

There is no shame
Glory and fame
For little alligators

In the jungle it's comin' down
For those who live in the lost and found
Can't mistake your attitude so heavy
Now get over here

You can hang your image in a brand new dimention
Cause I don't even think your mirror understands your reflection
But that's all right as long as you're not uptight
And in your brain
It’s all the same

Little alligator

Since I don't believe a word u say, save it for another

I'm pretty sure Honky's Ladder was the only Afghan Whigs song ever featured on our undergraduate station. In fact, the only reason I know we even bothered with the song was because the program director at the time – a fussy guy named Frankie, who would 1) be replaced by the end of the fall semester by Syd ("the Kid"); and 2) would be seen a year or so later driving UPS trucks – verbally told DJs not to ask over and over again "who Honky was" or "what was up with his ladder."

Evidently over the summer, these less-than-brilliant questions and other similar comments had been used so much that it wasn't funny anymore. If there were people commenting about Honky and his Amazing Technicolor Ladder, I would not be surprised. As much talent as the station had, there were always a handful of people who couldn't think of anything to say about a particular song or artist and therefore come up with some seemingly funny one-liner (also see And I'm dying at 90). If it worked okay the first time, they would usually reuse it each shift the song appeared. And if an influential and popular DJ said it first, other people would try it out on their shifts. Sometimes the joke worked with the person who thought it up – their style of delivery or attitude could pass it off as amusing – but it usually didn't work when DJs blandly recited with little understanding.

From the way Frankie talked about it in the occasional staff meetings, someone who wasn't there over the summer could get the impression that the song might have gotten a bit overplayed, too. Between over-saturation and sub-par efforts at show prep (see Boy, you can't play me that way) this might have been why the song was eventually taken out of rotation. I wonder now if the song was going to be added back into rotation as some point and Frankie either forgot or was fired first and the track became ancient history. While you would think – or hope – something else by the Wigs could have been entered to take its place, I distinctly recall Honky's Ladder being on a weekly preview disc and therefore probably the only track by the Wigs.

For the record, the Wigs broke up in 2001 after one other album in 1998.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Honky's Ladder
(Greg Dulli)
The Afghan Whigs
From the album Black Love
1996

Got u where I want u
Motherfucker
I got 5ive up on your dime
And if u wanna peep on something
Peep what I got stuck between
Your eyes
And since I don't believe
A word u say
Save it for another, baby brother
Swallow time 2 pay

Up on the ladder they sing
How high?
Does a brother have to climb
2 touch the light

But wait 'till I get done
With u
If u tell me
"Don't get mixed up with the Devil"
That's exactly
What I'm gonna do

Caught u while u waited
For your boy 2 come
And fix u up again
Come a little closer, baby
I only wanna try 2
Be your friend
Since I ain't got nothing
Left 2 lose
Got u where I want u
Motherfucker
Don't u try 2 move

Up on the ladder they sing
How high?
Does a brother have 2 climb
2 touch the light
Won't u take me up there
With u? U said u would
No one ever could shake
That ladder like I could

So I wait

The masquerade is played and neighbor folks make jokes

Oh, what fun the wind could be. For years at my undergraduate station, giving the weather "forecast" was simply calling the local weather office and getting scant information about that day's highs and lows and maybe a current temperature. We were told to call every hour but people got wise fast and usually called during the first hour of their three-hour shift; some DJs wrote the "forecast" on a paper on the back of the studio door and it was used by everyone else throughout the day – though you still had to call to get a current temperature.

Or, for current temperatures you could use the weather station in the studio, which was one of the biggest jokes in the studio, in my opinion (aside from occasional DJs). I never knew it to work. It looked antiquated, with its faux-wood paneling and red LCD lights across three faces – a thermometer, a barometer and a circular display to show wind speed and direction. Supposedly it was connected to something on the roof and supposedly if you waited long enough the readout on the device would be decipherable – somewhere in its use it had lost the ability to show complete numbers. So what might have been an 8 appeared as a 3 (picture this is some "digital" numeral font) and, in the end, hardly reliable.

The fun part was the red line indicating wind direction that crept around the circular display – it always seemed to be on the move and something else to question the device's reliability. But we shouldn't have cared – right? We never gave the wind speed in our "forecasts," we just worried about the basics. True, but (as you can guess) there were always a few people every semester who thought they were being helpful in giving wind information and muddled through some pretty funny moments. Most of the time, the people reading wind speed would read it live – meaning they would correct themselves as the display changed. "Southwest at 5, no wait, that's southeast at...I think 10 or is it 15, it's hard to read...." However the one I remember most was the guy – a rather large guy named Todd who tried to find humor in everything - who would read all three displays, adding the wind information was "from our windometer."

Yes, he would quote and give credit to our "windometer." I think that was about the time we told people to just ignore the weather station.

People, I think, loved quoting wind information. Periodically the telephoned forecast would indicate something about "wind advisories on area lakes" and people would go on and recite it on the air, oblivious I'm sure to what it meant and that there really were not major "area lakes" in our area to worry about wind or no wind. Oh, what fun it was when it was windy.

Speaking of Windy, that was the title of a 1967 single by the California-based group, the Association, a song I had heard numerous times and one I still enjoy. Being of somewhat broad musical tastes, I was surprised one day at the undergraduate station to find myself listening to a song I knew was by the Association in the middle of our nightly rock shifts. The few times I was on the air I would acknowledge that the Bloodhound Gang's version of Along Comes Mary was a cover of an old Association tune from the 1960s, but I seriously doubted anyone listening knew or even cared. I'm sure its inclusion on the Half Baked soundtrack stemmed from the lyrics supposed reference to marijuana but that really doesn't matter to me.

And anyway, the wind blows.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Along Comes Mary
(Tandyn Almer)
The Bloodhound Gang
From the original motion picture soundtrack Half Baked
1998

Every time I think that I'm the only one who's lonely
Someone calls on me
And every now and then I spend my time in rhyme and verse
And curse those faults in me

And then along comes Mary
Then along comes Mary
And does she want to give me kicks , and be my steady chick
And give me pick of memories
Or maybe rather gather tales of all the fails and tribulations
No one ever sees

When we met I was sure out to lunch
Now my empty cup tastes as sweet as the punch
Sweet as the punch

When vague desire is the fire in the eyes of chicks
Whose sickness is the games they play
And when the masquerade is played and neighbor folks make jokes
As who is most to blame today

And then along comes Mary
Then along comes Mary
And does she want to set them free, and let them see reality
From where she got her name
And will they struggle much when told that such a tender touch as hers
Will make them not the same

When we met I was sure out to lunch
Now my empty cup tastes as sweet as the punch
Sweet as the punch

And when the morning of the warning's passed, the gassed
And flaccid kids are flung across the stars
The psychodramas and the traumas gone
The songs are left unsung and hung upon the scars

And then along comes Mary
Then along comes Mary
And does she want to see the stains, the dead remains of all the pains
She left the night before
Or will their waking eyes reflect the lies, and make them
Realize their urgent cry for sight no more

When we met I was sure out to lunch
Now my empty cup tastes as sweet as the punch
Sweet as the punch